these few days, i've been thinking about my very presence on this soil. how do i justify it? i wake up thinking that up till now my life is just a tragedy, that i have just been played until today. today was just the tragic turn of events that would spell the entire past of my life negligible and useless. i have lost all sense of direction and the trust in those i usually did trust. many times i get up from my sleep hoping that everything was just a really bad nightmare, that i really was dreaming, but the case is otherwise.
i have no idea if i got what i deserved, and who to blame for all this. i don't blame myself since i know that i have did what i could and i'm far from regretting my actions, neither has anyone played a part in making this screwed up. so do i blame the situation? i'm starting to think that that is a stupid way to blame, cos nothing gets done.
another question is, what is the definition of trying your best? no one can actually define that term. it varies, but you can't actually say you 'did your best'. cos there is no proper way of devoting a perfect 100% of your time to what you want to 'try your best' in, so you can't claim that you did it even if you spent 99% of the time doing it. there's always room left for "doing more", and also the statement "i could have slept less and do more". therefore you cannot place the definition of 'trying your best' as spending all your time on it. you can't be doing one thing your whole life. even then, you're not perfect. so i refuse to use that term already. i'll just say i've did what i could and i don't deserve whatever i'm getting at all.
you mean even more to me now ; and nothing's gonna take you away from me. thanks dear.
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