it's only one-and-a-half week to Rockafellaskank auditions and our band hasn't even got our act together, we're even further than i first predicted. so little time, so hard to make a change of plans, so hard to even continue with the stated plan in the first place...
what will people think of us? i've been going around telling everyone that i'm really excited at the chance to finally perform on stage, since all my live concert chances have been cancelled since secondary school and this time it's really here.. i've even told my parents who don't really approve of what i'm doing but i still go on practicing for this possibly once-in-a-lifetime chance to play something decent for people i know, but i guess it's all being shattered really soon..
maybe i just suck, i can't play shit for nuts. maybe these three years of practicing really got me nothing, there are so many people in school better than me, so why do i have the face to even dare to sign up for auditions in the first place...i'm not even good enough.
even then i can't just let this go..i may never be able to play on stage ever again. this might be my last chance, i can't just cancel it. i don't want to regret anytime later on.
another thing is about the class, all my classmates are getting their results in a few days or so, and i thought i wouldn't be worried since i didn't have any o level results to get. but i guess i was really wrong, i really am more worried than them cos i'm afraid i would lose the class, all of my classmates. come to think of it i really love my class now, i don't want to let go of them ever, i don't know what'd i'd do if we weren't together anymore.
it really reminds me of the lines of the song 'Cancer' by My Chemical Romance.
"the hardest part of this is leaving you...."
it was the first song to actually make me cry. yes. but that'd be nothing compared to how i'd feel if the class had to be broken apart...
but then again, sometimes i find that i'm not doing a good job of taking care of the class, sometimes i find i'm not going the extra mile to help...i feel really guilty. i'm simply not doing enough. i try my best to keep whatever i'm feeling personally from eveyone else, but it still ends up ruining my attitude towards everyone. and it's really hard when i need to be alone cos i just can't when everyone is relying on me, if i falter halfway i'm afraid the same thing might happen to them. i think that i'm not setting a good example...then maybe it means i shouldn't be HTC....
i need to go someplace quiet alone, probably stand in the middle of the sea, and hopefully God gives me an answer...
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