many a point in time, we definitely have questions for life. no harm asking, no harm finding out.
helps us to move along.
so for me, here they are.
it's been almost four months and we're still going nowhere--i wonder what went wrong. in the beginning, i wanted it so much, and that feeling keeps getting heightened whenever you're around, whenever you're talking to me, when i see you. it's been quite a process holding it up until today. now, i still want it as much, but the thing is, you probably don't know what i've been through. i would not say it to you anyway, for i fear that it would place a distance between us. i don't want that to happen, for closing up the gap is one of the hardest things to do again. i've got this far from momentum, it would be a shot in the head to lose it all. but then again i have to put it here, cos if i don't, i don't know what might happen from the build-up of things stuck in me. i want to be very transparent here--i have thought about us for such a long time, every chance i had. i think you don't like me, that i'm around in your life and all--and you might not say that to me cos you don't want to hurt me, but what i need here is the real truth, before i move on. if i put myself in your position, i see myself as a possibility that i'm just a hinderance and irritation, and the only thing that holds me onto you are what i have done for you and all. please tell me the hard truth, i can't live with the pains of not knowing anymore. you don't know how hurtful it is for me to keep this all inside and keep on trying to figure out time and time again..whether i should go on, and when i do, it's either something you say or do, or something you do not, that makes me feel let down again. if you have given me a chance at this, i really thank you, but please understand, sometimes i just want to be with you, i want to talk about things, anything at all, i need your companionship. i know i am reasonable enough not to ask for it too often or too much. if you're truly giving me a chance to make a difference in your life, please don't just leave me alone like that. i want to share everything with you--your joys, your sadness, your anger, your stress: everything. if you don't want me in your life, please just tell me straight, please don't make me guess and decipher what you are thinking. it might be a great amount of pain, but at least it is better than making me live with it in the long run. if you really respect me for what i have done for you all this while, please do me this favour and tell me...
until then, there is something i want you to know--i still love you for who you are, i still care about you, i still keep on the lookout for you no matter where you might be, i'll still try to keep you happy by any means possible, i'll still pick you up when you fall. if you trust me and want me to be everything you ever wanted, please tell me i have the chance.
....feel the emptiness?
how ironical.
i'm speechless.
No comments:
Post a Comment