say goodnight

"our separation has its faults, but i don't wanna leave it all. so write the letters in teary ink, i just need some time to think, and i just need some time to breathe."--say goodnight, The Click Five

1a.m. i'm still awake. guess the 4 shots of bacardi rum and coke didn't do much other than burn my throat. still suffering from the after-effects of everything. i just can't take it anymore. i tried, i jammed so many songs with my neighbour at 10pm. played so much Need For Speed Most Wanted and yet it didn't work. sigh.

i wonder what would happen during the sort of class party in one and a half days' time. missing out on someone really important. why? why is this happening to me? why do i have to go through such things so many times? maybe i'll find out one day. maybe i'll not. but i just want a way out of this. a way in which i'm happy with and everyone else is happy.

God, will you hear me? please give me the proper guidance in such a time where i need you the most. without you i'll be so lost. thank you for helping me to change myself for the better. i realised i'm a much better person after asking you for help on self-improvement. but please do aid me as i overcome my problems in life which are hard for me to face.

i can't just sit around and wait for something to happen; i have to put in my own effort. but why do i keep on doing it but it brings not much of a result? why won't she understand what i'm going through? so much pain, so much doubt. if only she could. then it would be so much better. God, please make her understand. i don't think she does.

despite so much, yet i can only say that i still miss her. so many happy memories, the things i cherished. i just want someone to talk to. if someone could just call me now. then i'd feel easier. that's all i need. i feel so alone.