Tuesday, July 25, 2006

so sorry for the person i became

yet another long break before i have the time to start my posts again. i'm starting to lose track of my life, so better write it down before i forget. the theme we're all coming across now is 'madness', for i can come to this conclusion as almost everyone around me has sort of gone, well, mad. even the ones i used to be close to. i have nothing else to say. i wonder if it's just the flu bug. or it's the coming promos(can't be THAT bad). or there was some terrorist attack with a gas that no one knows and it has probably screwed up their nervous systems. i don't know. but things are not what they used to be, i'm damned sure.

it seeems i am straying further from my good friends. yvonne, for one, is starting to beecome distant. so is dinesh. everyone is all up to their 'own' things. i wouldn't mind if they were studying, though. it's about time we all get our act together if we want to move on as a full class. which, i think, is virtually impossible. cos there will always be one or two or who knows, half the class may not even make it. whatever it is, i'm only very concerned that the people i love and myself get promoted. the rest, well, you all know you deserve solitude. you asked for it. don't ask me for motivation.

some others that are into the 'madness', rather, are people like cliff, stanley, sean, and tarun. i have absloutely no idea what has gotten into them, but they are NOT their normal selves. cliff, i know you are stuck with training and studies. that's fine, but u don't have to keep lamenting that u need counselling. cos u don't. all you need is some help in organising your schedules and your priorities. i'll try to help if i can ; after all ur one of the few that has helped me through my most difficult moments. as for stanley, well, he's more crazy than his usual self and it's probably due to the weather and minor stuff. but when they're all together, it can alter even the strongest of minds. for sean and tarun, well, i can only say that both of you have become really fucked-up and it's time someone talks sense into the two of you. i may sound really horrid now, but i hope you both understand as i want u both to become your normal self again. if harsh words won't work, i don't know what will.

i have finally started my revision for the promos. every night at 8pm sharp (or plus-minus 10 for that), i get down to the books. sometimes i may not be focussed, and i wish i were more. i can't afford to repeat at all. i can't imagine what might happen. that day jiang talked some sense into me, and i guess i realised i was on the wrong path yet again. it was about time someone told me off, told me i was not studying, i was going to retain, going to bring a disgrace to my family, going to be talked about all around school if i did, wouldn't be able to face anyone else. it really made sense that i was not putting in enough effort. i need some guidance, some help. but everyone is crazy. i can only turn to God. and i will. for He will assist me when i face a problem...

as for my "love" life, i guess it's not really the time, i'll only pursue those that are relevant to me, that mean much more to me. those that will not hinder my studies, and those that can be truly developed. like before, i don't judge by looks. i'm not looking as well, for i am sure that if it's in God's will that i develop something further He will let me see the person in a better light. what's the point of getting so worked up with someone when it doesn't work out? it doesn't make sense.

probably pictures of what i've taken that mean much to me i'll just leave them here ; i really have nothing more to say. well at least not in the mood to. i'm drifting away from it all, and i'm faltering. basically, i'm losing it.

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