i'm sorry

dear carys
i guess i wasn't of any help today by saying those things. this is the furthest i have ever gone, at least i think so. i can't forgive myself for making u cry. i can't believe i was too much. i'm extremely sorry for what i have done. i realised that you have been putting all of your effort into the projects and i have been doing absolutely nothing at all other than pulling everything backwards. of everyone else in the group you have been doing the most and that's a fact, but i didn't appreciate what you have done and i sincerely apologise. maybe i am really that useless after all.
i won't blame it on anything else other than me, especially when i confess that every thing i have done to you is all 100% my fault. it was my choice and nothing else did influence me. and i have understood exactly how bad i can be, and i will do something about it. looking back, i guess i have not helped you in any way at all. not a single time where i have managed to play my part to watch over you. in fact i have been doing the exact opposite. i don't want to wait until something big happens so i took the time to apologise to you and hopefully you'll forgive me. it's your choice, i know i have done something wrong and i won't be expecting you to forgive me anytime soon. i really don't know what else i can do to tell you this and i probably won't be able to tell you face-to-face.
i think i have failed as a guardian angel and it is probably time that i give you your own space. i'm not fit to be one. i'm not doing what i should be doing. i guess it's just the people around me who mistake my efforts for something else. i pray that for the time being you'll be able to be independent and get on with your own stuff and i won't bother you anymore. you don't need a friend like me. you deserve better. i have been utterly useless. i'm a bad example of what a friend should be. in the meantime, please don't let what i told you affect you too much. let me regret and reflect over what i've done. it's not your fault. do accept that. you're a great friend while it lasted and a leader capable of much more than me. i wish you good luck for your promos and whatever else you might face. hope you'll forgive me, soon or later. sorry.