last train home

firstly, before i start my posting, i would like to give a big word of THANKS to God. through a few prayers i made, He answered them and i have finally started my studying with no distractions. alone, in a quiet room is the way to go, as He has shown me. that i can do so much in such an environment. ouside, all i need is my iPod. that's why i don't regret calling it the Angel II the day i bought it. the rate i'm going, capturing whole chapters by the day, i'm on the road to making it for the promos! now you know ; if there's anyone you could trust in helping you study well, the answer is obvious-- God. PRAISE THE LORD! :)

so i'm on the road to starting up my momentum again. what i can say about myself is that i take a hell of a long time to start up but when i gain the momentum, nothing can stop me! that's right, it's just like inertia. hard to start, but hard to stop too. i don't know if it's supposed to be good, but it sure works!

these few days, whenever i actually SIT DOWN to study, i can keep my ass on the seat without moving for about 2 hours. i have no idea why i am so engrossed, but it is definitely helping me grasp my information. i only look at the clock before i begin and after, since i have no time for distractions. but during the 2nd time, i always go 'whoa'!

it may seem that 3 weeks to the promos is fast ; it IS fast, by the way, but at a speed i can cope with, considering i only started now. i have my goals right ahead, clear and aimed well. all other stuff is put on strict HOLD, left for after the promos. the promos is what i aim to clear, and i don't care how. as long as i do it, i'll be happy for myself. this is not the right time to set high goals or 'aim high reach far', but to set stuff that is rational and do-able.

...but still, i can't wait for these exams to be over. i'll go crazy after that. only if i did my best.

there comes a time in your life where the world seems to be against you, and i know how that feels, having gone through TWO DAMN YEARS of it. it seems like you can't turn to anyone else. which is what i had to face cos i wasn't a believer in secondary 3 and 4. not much.

but now that i am, i realise it is much easier although the problems get heavier and harder. cos God just brings you through and gives you the guidance when you need it and ask for it. but there IS a way out, always, and when you take the way out, you LEARN something from it. it is a boost (in the positive side) to your character/personality/feelings.

giving my example, i can say that although i face 'the world' constantly for 2 years, putting up with verbal insults, physical bullying, and the worse of all, having my parents/family insulted, i have learnt something from it. i may be a victim, but i learn. i learnt to be more independent. i told myself, fuck care about what those people are trying to do to you. just progress on your own because those people don't deserve to progress with you. so i embarked on a journey of self-discovery by doing everything myself--especially studying (it was the O level year). i knew i had to make it by hook or by crook and get into a JC. and i did, but not without help from others. looking back today, i know that God is behind it all, giving me the strength when i needed it, the courage to put up with everything and the control so that i would not fight back on impulse and show that i'm affected by what those people do to me. persevering through months (it wasn't easy), i finally emerged from it all, my goal acheved ; and having a few new friends too. friends that i could count on.

now that i'm in JC, i see things similar to this happening. very similar to what i've gone through. i'm not really surprised but i know i have to work on it. it is not something happening to me, but instead to those around me. people whom i care for. so knowing that people came to help me in my two years of 'the cold war', i know that i have to help, somehow. this time.

although i haven't seen much of it all, i see my classmates getting 'whacked', like i love to call it, by some people who i don't exactly like. if they had learnt how to keep their damn mouth shut i wouldn't have hated them this much. even if they insulted someone whom i didn't know i wouldn't care either. but hit on people i love and care for, you're asking for it.

being a student councillor (i'm not) is not an easy task. campaigning and organisation are part of this activity that require the utmost guts of the student to socialise well with everyone else, to not offend or get offended by the students who you serve. especially those who are in the 'student welfare' department. the words 'student' and 'council', as defined by the dictionary, mean a student-formed group in which stuff is ORGANISED, MANAGED and PLANNED for others. these people are elected to SERVE, and it is essential that those who are BEING SERVED know that. unfortunately, some just don't. i don't use my blog to publicly display names of such offenders, so i shall adhere to that. but whoever it is out there, you know who you are. yes, you if you happen to chance upon this blog. i'm speaking to you straight in the face. you know what you've done. if you think you get a kick out of offending 'ugly' people (in your fucked-up definition of course, childish assholes), then you have made a terrible mistake in attempting to bring yvonne down cos she is far from that. well, she did nothing to deserve this, and so you have absolutely NO reason to attack her personally as such. did she offend you? your friends? your family members? NO. so why do you even bother? do you find it interesting to attack someone who probably just has a different outlook toward life, have principles that differ from yours or you just can't plainly accept someone who's unique? if you do, then maybe you should either wipe yourself off the surface of this earth and migrate to Mars or i'll help you do it. but i can't assure you there will be no pain. in fact, be prepared to get lots of it.

so you think she's small in size and doesn't fight back with your dirty hokkien/self-invented vulgarities means she's a good target? you're wrong too. unlike you lame idiots, she doesn't solve problems in the childish way you do. and in the next few years, maybe you'll see that YOUR way doesnt work. i'll be praying, that hopefully it's too late for you. you don't have any compassion for others, don't expect the same for you. so instead of constantly attempt to bring her down (you won't), i suggest you do something more productive. like reading the bible or something. if that doesn't work, well, then maybe you should just use all your wonderful money, buy yourself a nice car and drive yourself into the sea. on second thought, i'd rather you give me the car and save a few efforts from pulling the wreck out of the water. go jump instead.