move along

two-and-a-half darn weeks right before the promos. i believe i'll be able to scrape through this one, and i will. that's all i need, all i have in front of me now, especially when the emergency handbrake has been pulled on the train of my love life. well i wouldn't say someone had to pull it for me, but i guess it was just the added amount of doubt and considering the factors that it would not work out and if it DID it wouldn't last, i have decided to do it myself. and not to look back. to me, it is just another case of incompatibility. as simple as that. nothing more. it's just luck, i mean, why get so upset about it when you OBVIOUSLY don't expect to be compatible with every single person you meet? that's why i don't feel the pain. i am not numb either. if i compare this to a fall, i wouldn't say i have fallen. i have just tripped. but i'm up and going again.

i certainly have so much more to do than just search for the right partner. maybe mod my guitar, buy a bike and mod it, get new gadgets, audio stuff, new CDs, do more active stuff. speaking of active, i have sort of decided to try doing things i would never have imagined myself doing. i shall speak about those. now, that's more exciting isn't it? no point being so emo all the time.

i have ventured into the world of the 'supernatural' if you decide to call it that. maybe it's a trend, but hardly many people do it these days. how often would you think of visiting some place that no one goes to? i'd give a good example. think of old changi hospital. yup, the one still standing after world war 2. of all places--city hall, sentosa, downtown, the coasts, neighbourhood shopping malls, why on earth would you go to such a place like that? well, i've asked the same question before, but just one week ago, on a saturday, i went there, with not a group of the 'usual' or 'safe' ten/twenty people, but instead the 'unsafe' odd-numbered THREE.

now those of you who believe that such supernatural stuff do exist and are able to harm you would obviously think that i have lost my marbles. what you realise is that since i'm a believer, there is absolutely nothing those entities can do to me to harm me in any way. not even if i piss on their graves or something. (well i'm not so sure about this one, i haven't bothered to try.) so there i go, with just my sis and jiang, into the damned ruins of what's left of a hospital. or not.

well jiang had a van and we were speeding there at 100km/h to cut down on time. we got there around 2340h, the perfect time for visiting such places. apparently it was supposed to be 5 people entering but since my one of my sis kinda freaked when she saw the building we proceeded in at around 0015h after a much heated argument. first, jiang and i went in. two of us ascended the half-destroyed staircase covered in foilage to gain access to the building sitting on top of the hill. it was completely pitch dark and all we brought was one torchlight, one lighter and our mobiles. we walked side-by-side and combed about half the wards. after that we took a short walk down the stairs again to meet up with the freaked out people. lol.

we didn't even see anything strange, not to mention anything worth talking about. but i'll still give a short description. it was just empty, nothing but dust and rubble and broken glass. to put it simple, it was nothing more than an abandoned ward being viewed at night. don't expect anything more. if you aren't afraid of darkness, you should be able to go in even alone with nothing more than an ipod. there was no cold wind, no shadows, no people, no nothing. just plain old abandoned. so maybe SPI was wrong.

next my sis joined us and we merged with this small group of other ppl who had nothing but a mobile phone camera flashlight. it couldn't even throw a beam down the 50m-long corridor. so i guess i did them a favour by lighting their way and they, in turn, helped us watch out for broken glass, hazards, potholes, etc. it was quite interesting looking down those amazingly-long corridors. hospitals have a tendency to hold long corridors, but they were kinda boring and useless. we saw the lift too, apparently someone had tried to pry open the doors. wonder where it leads to. there's supposed to be some underground bunker i think, but that is sealed off. completely. anyone who can access that either has tons of TNT or has lots of strength and a sledgehammer.

after we hit like 3/4 of the entire hospital we split ways and that's when i started to get abit afraid as we couldn't find our way out. we just kept going down and down the staircase. each flight of stairs descended just lead to the same layout of wards and corridors and i didn't believe that we actually went up so high, so i thought for a moment that we were going to hit the underground basement or morgue or something. didn't want to be there.

but i realised that if you kept going down, you'll eventually reach the ground floor and freedom awaits you. free from the ruins and stale air of the renowned OCH, we got back into the van for supper, taking nothing with us other than memories and a film roll of pictures i shot. i'll put them here if i have the time to scan them.

i have decided to try doing some body-work too. although i'm not exactly in the form of someone considered to be strong ( i can only do 3 pathetic pull-ups), i hve decided to take up some simple breakdancing. i have sort of listened to some catchy music and i suddenly had the urge to do some moving. especially some hip-hop. but one song i'm quite addicted to is, well, kelly clarkson's 'walk away'. it's really groovy and you can really shake. but i don't know any moves so if i do try i'll probably end up looking like a fool. still in the process of doing so though. hopefully in a few weeks' time i'll be able to do some one-handed moves. but for now, it's two. or three. ben, out.

'perhaps you still havn't got what i really mean yet ; but still the point is that you don't. you don't realise much, do you? haven't begun to start walking, huh? i tell you what. i'll give you a chance. just do what i tell you. turn around and back off. do it now. and keep doing it. that's good. keep it there. now maybe if fate allows, you will get to step forward again. i highly doubt that, but who knows? in the meantime, just stay away from me. cos i have no respect for you anymore.'