walk away.

for the start i would like to tell those of you who are here that you can only be here for two reasons. one is either i gave you this new blog's address or two is that you have managed to search all over google desperately to find this blog (i have tried it myself, and i ain't stupid). if you are the latter, i suggest that you get lost immediately. i have a tracker and i can tell who visits my blog so don't say i didn't give any chances. if you are the former, though, i welcome you as warmly as ever. this is where everything starts to get messy again.

"i guess that it is time for me to let go, i have tried time and time again to help you, to care for you, to understand you and to guide you. perhaps you have taken everything for granted. but i guess it's just a vicious cycle, with me trying so hard to do my best here and you just ignore me and take who i am for granted. i know you don't care about me a single bit anymore so i guess the signal is for me to stop. maybe it wasn't such a good idea taking up this role anymore. please, just walk away. you most likely haven't appreciated any of my efforts. i guess we'll just remain like this for the rest of our lives. until you see my point. maybe i just cared too much. or tried too hard. i don't know. but i think that it is time we go our separate ways in terms of friends. maybe accepting the role of being a guardian angel isn't that easy anymore. i have failed."

went with sean and tarun to sentosa yesterday. had quite a number of breathtaking pictures taken. got in and out of there by two-way cable car tickets i got for free. the best place i could live, i just found out, was there. the sea, the sun, the sand. perfect. until i got some bad news, that is. bad, even compared to the incident where i slammed into a tree with my bike at full force. but i won't go into that. not the time to get all worrisome and all right before the promos.

i guess it's about time someone pulled the brakes for my own good. someday i might or might not reveal the answer of the blank space a few posts back, it depends. but right now i'll just try to stick to my momentum that i have already initiated. everything is thrown aside. i have never been able to do that, but this time i think it's really scary with me suddenly being able to.

a few days back our HT was talking about death and car accidents. i suddenly had a rough impression of how my death was going to take place. apparently it was so real that i could actually visualise it in front of me. even the age that it was going to take place. i was 22. or 23. i would be streaking down the freeway in a WRX STi at probably 250km/h odd, and i'll slam into some stationary object. can't remember exactly what it is. but there would be lots of debris and wreckage. although this incident won't stop me from buying one (if i do have the money) and speeding at the same speed, i still can't help but think about my imminent, supposedly-inevitable death. and amongst the wreckage, during the last few moments of my life on earth, there might be a soft song in my head--Boxcar Racer's 'Letters to God'. if i regret.

perhaps i should find out soon enough that there is something worth living for in this world.